Ask, Don't Tell

We've all been there. You get promoted to manager, and suddenly you feel this intense pressure to have all the answers. Your team comes to you with problems, and your first instinct is to jump in with solutions. After all, isn't that what managers are supposed to do? Lead from the front and show everyone how it's done?

The short answer is no. That instinct that you have, however well-meaning, is actually holding your team back.

Think about it from your team member's perspective. If every time they hit a roadblock, you swoop in with the solution, what are they learning? They're learning to depend on you. And what happens when you are not around? You got it! Nothing at all.

This is why questions often trump answers. When you ask instead of tell, something interesting happens. People start owning their solutions. They become invested in the outcome because they helped create it. They learn to think through problems systematically because you're not there to do it for them. And most importantly, they grow.

I know what you're thinking... you don’t have time to wait for them to come up with the obvious solution! And in the short term, you’re right! It's absolutely faster to just give someone the answer. But what I’ve learned over my 20 years in various leadership positions is that short-term efficiency creates long-term dependency. Just as taking shortcuts in code builds up technical debt, taking shortcuts with your team builds up managerial debt.

This managerial debt compounds over time, but the good news is you don't need to change everything at once. You can start small. For example, the next time someone brings you a problem, simply resist the urge to immediately offer a solution. Instead, ask: "What would you do if I wasn't here?" The key here is to stay curious after the first answer. Keep asking follow-ups until they work through to a solution. Before you know it, your team member will have figured out a solution.

Remember that the answer isn’t the point. The point is helping your team develop the ability to find answers themselves. You'll be amazed at what people come up with when you trust them to think. Often, their solutions are better than what you would have suggested because they understand the nuances of their situation better than you do.

After a few months of practicing this approach, you will also notice that the number of questions you get will be reduced dramatically. Not because the number of problems has gone down. But because every time you ask instead of tell, you're building their confidence and capability. This compounds. And eventually, they stop needing to come to you with every problem because they've learned to trust their own judgment.

One small caveat, though. It’s easy to read this and think that you should never provide direction or share your expertise. That’s not what I am saying. There are absolutely times when you need to step in and tell. When there's a crisis, when safety is at stake, or when you just want to shake things up a little. The key is to find an appropriate balance. I’ve found that 90% asking, 10% telling is a good ratio for me. I recommend you test with your team to see what the right ratio is for you.

Just keep in mind that your role as a leader isn't to be the smartest person in the room. It's to make everyone else in the room smarter. Do this well, and you'll find yourself with the one thing every manager wants: a team that doesn't need you to solve their problems.